A New Perspective on Conflict
Source: ConvergenceCoaching, LLC Inspired Ideas
In this post, Tamera Loerzel* offers creative, but practical, suggestions for conflict resolution. Following are excerpts, used with permission.
Usually, we operate and communicate from only one interpretation — our own — and in a conflict situation it's not usually the most optimistic or positive viewpoint — instead it is the hurt, victimized, disappointed or angry viewpoint. When we teach conflict management, we distinguish that there are other possible interpretations, or views, of each conflict situation.
To do this, we play a “game” and develop a number of potential ways to view a conflict before we engage in a conversation with our “conflict partner” about it. We consider all of the possible ways to interpret what happened, including both “ugly” and “hopeful” interpretations.
As an example, some ugly interpretations for why a co-worker didn't complete his or her portion of the project on time are that your co-worker:
- is lazy
- doesn't care about the work
- doesn't care if he or she inconveniences you
- is trying to sabotage you
Some hopeful or positive interpretations for that same scenario are that your co-worker:
- didn't know the timeline
- may have missed the kick-off meeting and didn't receive the schedule
- received multiple assignments from multiple partners or managers
- had a personal emergency
What's important to note is that there are many possible interpretations of any given situation, yet most of us relate to our own chosen interpretation, which is usually an ugly or negative one.
Instead of approaching our communications from these “made up” interpretations, we can play “detective” and ask for our conflict partner's view of the situation and be open to other possibilities for why the situation occurred.
Be willing to be surprised! When we are willing to set aside our own “made up” views, we can manage conflict situations more powerfully with more successful results.
For the complete post, see “Another Possible View.”
From ConvergenceCoaching, LLC Inspired Ideas, http://blog.convergencecoaching.com, May 26, 2010.
*Tamera Loerzel is a partner of ConvergenceCoaching, LLC, a national leadership and marketing consulting firm dedicated to helping CPA and IT firms achieve success by helping them develop and implement leadership, succession, and marketing plans. Tamera is a frequent speaker, teacher, and facilitator and has written articles for several state and national CPA publications on the topics of sales, marketing, leadership, and succession planning.